pre-divorce jitters

hello from amongst the boxes.

today, my five and a half year tenure at here at what was affectionately own to all - well, most.. ok, at least some - as Marwood HQ comes to a close, memories put into storage, their actual physical presence to be lost forever from the moment the door shuts for the final time.

i have had my best and worst times here, and i'd like to think the former outweighs the latter. i recorded This Is Not What You Had Planned almost in its entirety about twelve feet behind where i lay now, i wiped a tear from my cheek as i finished the final take of 'You Can Hold On Once' ten months later crouched on the floor to my left (i still can't believe, given it was only three tracks of mine, how problematic putting my part of Exclamation At Asterisk Hash together proved to be) and have spent most of the past fortnight cross-legged here, putting together bits of the album slowly. it's all done by the end of March - the dates are in the book. from then on: artwork, mastering, promotion, release, relax.

tomorrow evening i leave here for the final time, away from the intermittently-leaking bathroom ceiling, the paper-thin walls and the shitty boiler, over to a first floor rented room in the house of a friend of a friend. he is nice, the room is nice, the area is.. sketchy, but where around Reading isn't? the past few days were spent measuring the dimensions of all my important stuff, of the corresponding widths and depths of my new home to decide in advance which parts of my life must be given the boot. in fairness, most of it is coming with me by some miracle of feng shui. provided my measurements are right. did i mention i'm shit at it?

but in truth, i'd rather be staying. i hate leaving anywhere, and this is the first place i called mine since i left my parents' ten years ago. to go back to living in someone else's house feels like, and is, a step back, and i have made no secret that i am worse off now financially than when i was working in a supermarket at 16. but, these things must be done. i don't want to leave, but i have to leave. for the greater good, as Inspector Butterman would say.

to all who sailed in her.
x